Jun 284 min read

Whole Self Wellness: How Moms Can Overcome Anxiety and Mom Guilt

“I’m a bad mom”

“It’s my fault”

“I’ve messed up my kid”

These are only an assortment of the judgment-laden comments I hear mamas say about themselves when they come in for therapy. These statements reflect beliefs living inside of them, causing pain.

Acknowledging that pain takes courage. Admitting that you think these thoughts is a sign of strength because often these are only the ones we’re willing to say out loud, the ones in our head are typically far, far worse.

So why do we think so poorly of ourselves as moms? If you head to the internet, social media, or your favorite TV station, you’ll figure it out pretty quickly. Society tells us that we are supposed to be everything to our children while simultaneously telling us that we’re supposed to be rock stars at work, model unconditional love and expect nothing in return.

It’s exhausting.

Oh! But don’t forget you’re not allowed to be exhausted. You need to practice self-care That’s your fault too, mama.

It’s maddening and frequently leads to incredible amounts of anxiety. Especially when there’s nobody there to help you recognize what’s happening to you.

When the anxiety becomes too much to bear

That was exactly what led one amazing mama to my office. When she came in, she didn’t think anything was wrong with her expectations of herself as a mom. She came in because she was anxious and didn’t know why. She had fully embraced that motherhood meant suffering & sacrificing yourself. She had zero doubts about this fact.

And she saw zero connection between that belief and her sudden issues with nearly constant feelings of overwhelm and anxiety.

So how do you heal something you don’t even realize is broken? How do you treat the symptoms when you don’t know the cause?

You start small.

Mindfulness

Contrary to popular belief, you don’t have to be a Buddhist Monk or an experienced yogi to practice mindfulness.

Mindfulness is simply the practice of being aware of what all your senses are experiencing in the current moment, without judgment or interpretation.

Note the emphasis on practice. When you’ve become accustomed to a constant buzz of thoughts or a life of sensory overload, it is hard to fathom the idea of being still. And yet that stillness is your only way through.

You can start with 1-minute and just keep practicing. As your thoughts start to wander (because they will), bring your attention back to the current experience and do this until the 1-minute is complete. Then do it again the next day. And the next day. And the day after that.

The more you practice:

➞ the easier it will become.

➞ the longer you’ll be able to utilize mindfulness.

➞ the less anxiety you’ll experience.

A multitude of research studies on mindfulness have shown that it can reduce anxiety & depression, lower blood pressure, AND improve sleep.

With all those benefits, why wouldn’t you want to welcome it to your life?

Body awareness

Odds are that you’ve heard the expression “the body keeps score.” This cleverly coined phrase identifies that even if we can’t figure out what’s going on, our body knows. And it will always know.

So when you’re not sure where to start, check in with your body. It is a vital part of your life and has a lot of needs to help you embrace life. It needs food that nourishes it with the necessary nutrients. It needs movement to keep your muscles and joints from getting locked. It needs air to breathe, water to drink. It needs rest to maintain vitality. You get the point.

Beware though, mama, checking in with your body is not an endorsement of being critical towards your appearance or movement. It’s a way of helping you honor your body and realize what it needs. Perhaps you want to ask yourself:

When is the last time I drank water?
Have I moved my body today in a way that felt good to me?
How much caffeine have I had today?
When is the last time I ate something that nourished my body? (Or, minimally, didn’t make me feel ill afterwards?)

Soul connection

If your mind and body are feeling fulfilled, don’t let yourself stop there. Checking in with how you feel in your soul is equally important. Whether you refer to that third part of your being as spirit or soul, it speaks

to our universal need to be connected to something other than ourselves. Something that allows us to recognize the vastness of the universe beyond our current experience.

Some people find this connection through organized religion, others find it in connection with the earth, and still others find it in recognition of different energies. Reiki, for example, is a way to help heal on an energetic level and feel that connection to the universe, the Divine, Source, God - whichever name you ascribe to a greater whole.

No matter how you view it, it’s the art of connecting to something beyond yourself that nourishes your soul and helps you release suffering.