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Why Self-Care is Becoming a Dirty Word for Moms

Self care.


You’ve heard the term and you’ve heard how important it is for your wellbeing.  Likely, you’ve also heard how it is the cure for all of your ailments as a stressed-out mama. 


One problem. Everyone is telling you that YOU need to add self-care to your day, and nobody is taking accountability for their part of the problem.

While it’s true that the power to perform self-care is your choice, the assumption that this is the ONLY factor is a gross oversimplification of reality. 

And for that reason, “self-care’s” rise to buzzword is quickly accelerating to a dirty word.

Instead of focusing on the factors that lead to you getting stressed out or any societal or relational pressures, moms are being told that the real problem is that they aren’t doing enough self-care.  In other words, it is yet again the mom’s fault for not meeting this standard.  Congratulations, you now have another reason to feel like a failure.

Want to know why most moms don't have time to hit up the spa, go for a hike, or grab coffee with a friend? Because their waking moments are filled with caring for other people and when you try to take a break the messages you receive is that:

  • You aren't loving her children enough.

  • You aren't contributing to the household.

  • You aren't valuing the relationship with your partner.



Let’s talk about what self-care was before it was weaponized against mamas. 

At its core, self-care is what you do to promote your health & well-being. 

Yes, it’s that simple. 


It is about what you do to take care of yourself.  From brushing your teeth to taking vacations alone, it all fits in there.  And while the #selfcareisntselfish campaign certainly helps open the dialogue, it does not do enough to challenge the pervasive opposition many women feel.

This opposition is often cited by women as contributing to feelings of anxiety and depression. 

And you want to know the best way to alleviate those symptoms? Self-care.


Start with boundaries. 

Yes, I know. That’s another word that’s quickly becoming a buzz-word (and will likely then have a meteoric fall as well).  Boundaries are a phenomenal way to exercise self-care.


Boundaries allow you to establish expectations in a relationship both with yourself and with others.


Allow yourself to set boundaries with others around your time and boundaries with yourself about your guilt. 


Schedule time in your day when you can focus on just what YOU want to do. Start with 5 minutes. There is not a person on this planet that cannot find 5 minutes somewhere in their day.  Literally, not one.


So take that 5 minutes and allow yourself to do something that you would find nourishing.  Maybe you decide to make a cup of tea, go for a walk, do some breath-work, grab a snack, or maybe just sit in quiet for 5 minutes.


No matter what you do, make sure it is in service of YOUR wellbeing. 

That is what makes it self-care and that is what makes it powerful. 


Self-care is good. Self-care is necessary.  And those who are trying to make it a dirty-word do not deserve the power they’re trying to wield. 

So take a moment today, and consider what you can do to nourish yourself.  Then take another moment to reflect on how you can respond to those that may be trying to use it against you.


Whatever you decide to do, know that you’ve got this. And I’ve got you.


Looking for more information on how to add self-care to your life? You can find helpful strategies in my free Self Care Tips for Moms eBook here.

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