Healing Generational Trauma: How to Achieve Your Motherhood Goals with EMDR Therapy

So you've experienced trauma and you want to work on it? Great!  Now what?

Well, you might decide you want to see a therapist and that’s a wonderful place to start. 

But it’s also not enough.

When my client walked into my office knowing nothing other than her desire to "work on my generational trauma" she was astounded that we had to dig deeper.  

Why? Because she hadn't thought about what she actually wanted.  And if you don’t know where you want to go, odds are that you’ll be disappointed in any outcome.

Going to therapy because you want to break generational cycles is not going to get you anywhere unless you know what it is that you want to do instead.  

You see, the absence of trauma symptoms does not automatically mean the presence of anything

positive.

If you're not sure where to start, try asking yourself:

• What kind of parent do I want to be?

• How do I want to feel inside my body when my child misbehaves?

• What kind of discipline do I want to use?

• How do I want my child to feel when they talk to me?

Once you have those answers, you’ll be in a much better space to figure out how to get your desired outcome from therapy and achieve your goals. 

Figuring out your motherhood goals

Now, let’s talk about why having a goal is important.

Setting a goal is our first step in establishing a sense of purpose and direction.

It helps us get motivated!

In order to be effective, you’ll want to make sure that your goal meets certain criteria. Luckily, these criteria have a fun acronym: SMART goals.

S. Specific:

You want to make sure you include details of what you want to accomplish. (For example: instead of saying “feel like a better mom” or “break the generational trauma” you could say “stay grounded when I’m upset with my kid” or “speak calmly to my child when I’m upset”.)

M. Measurable:

You need to be able to measure your progress and accurately determine whether you’ve accomplished your goal. (Whether or not you are grounded is something you will easily be able to measure with your own awareness as is whether you are communicating calmly.)

A. Attainable:

Your goal is supposed to challenge you AND be possible to achieve. Setting an impractical or unattainable goal will only frustrate you and negate the purpose of setting goals. (For example: Is staying grounded a reasonable step for you or do you need to start somewhere else? Do you have the communication skills necessary to know how to speak calmly when you’re upset? If not, your initial focus will be to simply notice when you’re getting upset.)

R. Realistic:

Your goal needs to be something that you can accomplish if you put in the time and effort AND have the necessary resources. (Mama, focus on reality here, not fantasy.)

T. Timely:

Your goal needs to add value to your life at this time and be attainable within the time you have allotted. (For example: can this goal be achieved in a timeline that works for you? Do you have a budget for the number of sessions you can afford? Do you have a goal of accomplishing healing by a certain date? Make sure you consider any relevant timelines.)

For my client, this step proved harder than she had anticipated. While it was easy to identify things that she did not want to do, she had a hard time filling in that gap with what could do instead. So that's where we started. We identified that she wanted to be able to feel calm in her body and speak to her children kindly when they did something they weren't supposed to do.

Now that you have your goal set up in the SMART way, the next step is to take the leap. Start planning how you’re going to reach your goal.

Transforming your EMDR therapy goals into your reality

If you can’t imagine it as true, it will never be true.  Why? Because that beautiful, magical brain of yours LOVES to be right.  We’re all hard wired that way.

If we can’t even imagine a goal as a potential reality, then we’ll always find a way to not get there. Or worse, we'll move in the opposite direction.

As you can imagine, this step can be hard at first.

Start by imagining what life looks like when you’ve reached your goal. Really allow yourself to

embody what it is you’re working towards and accept accomplishing that goal as part of your future reality.

Now give yourself permission to move toward that reality.  EMDR therapy is a great way to achieve your goals much more effectively and efficiently than other therapies.

My client? Once we were able to identify her goals and help her envision the reality, the pathway to her healing was clear. By using EMDR, she was feeling better, more confident, and calmer as mom than she had ever thought possible.

The same can be true for you.

You’ve got this, mama! And as always, I’ve got you.

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 Looking to learn more about EMDR and how it can transform your healing? Click here.

(PS - You can also sign up to be first in line for our EMDR Intensive openings, launching in September.)

PPS - Want to learn even more about how EMDR can improve your motherhood? Check out our blog article devoted entirely to that topic here.