Don't you, forget about me.
Don't, don't, don't, don't
Don't you, forget about me.
If you’re an 80s mama, you’re reading those lines in tempo and slowly putting one fist in the air as you start dancing. (If you’re not, I suggest you go watch The Breakfast Club now. You’re welcome.)
Why is this song currently stuck in my head? Because, mama, it’s back to school time.
Yes, that mystical magical time of year where when the seasons start to change, you can breathe a little easier, and there’s more structure back in your life.
This is also the time of year that many mamas remember, “Hey, I DO exist!” and have a chance to be with themselves for the first time in months.
And that’s when it hits, the “Oh crap, I still have that stuff I need to deal with,” realization. At least that’s the common sentiment for many moms I work with.
In fact, there was one mama who struggled with this cycle for years before we had the opportunity to work together and help her break the cycle.
Why distraction is good, but not a cure
Distraction is an amazing coping strategy. It provides relief from struggles and allows you to recognize that you can exist outside of whatever is overwhelming you in the moment. If you were to ask a room full of therapists, I guarantee most, if not all, would agree that they have also used distraction as a coping skill.
You might be wondering, what makes distraction different than avoidance? The answer is simple.
Distraction is something that you’ll use for temporary relief, not an attempt at a permanent solution.
So all of those wonderful summer vacations, camps, pool days, or weekends at the beach were great for a while, but now it’s back to reality.
When reality returns
It is common to feel overwhelmed by your emotions at times and that is why distraction is necessary.
Ever heard that expression, “Wherever you go, there you are”? Well, it’s the truth. Whatever was
overwhelming you in the moment, whatever you’re struggling with, whatever it is you’re seeking relief from – it will still exist once the distraction is gone.
For my client, once the kids went back to school, her anxiety went through the roof. She found that being still or alone with her thoughts was unbearable. She would begin thinking about all the things she wanted to coordinate with the school while simultaneously feeling frozen and unable to follow-through on anything. Within a month, she’d recognize old patterns coming back up.
That old “I’m a bad mom” record would be playing on replay in the back of her mind and make her feel worse about everything she did or did not do.
Breaking the cycle
Both the beauty and the frustration of a pattern is that you know it will continue to repeat until something changes.
It can make sense to look externally and decide you need to change your social group, your school, or your job in order get the change you desire. (And yes, sometimes this is a factor.) But in order to achieve a lasting change, you need to look inside yourself and identify what is causing this pattern.
Ask yourself, how is this pattern serving me?
Spoiler: the answer might not seem logical. But if you challenge yourself to truly sit with and answer that question, the insight you can gain is priceless.
For my client, the answer made no sense to her logical brain. Fist in the air, she disagreed. But once she was able to find some self-compassion and curiosity, we could explore it further.
How? By using EMDR therapy, of course.
The power of EMDR Therapy
Using EMDR Therapy, we were able to follow the thread of what was happening for her now to where the pattern started. To a time when the pattern protected her, not harmed her. As if often the case, she didn’t understand the connection between the events.
But that’s the thing about your beautiful, magical brain. It takes you where you need to go, even if you doubt it.
By finding the root cause of the pattern and using EMDR to address and heal what had happened, she was able to release the pain she had been holding for far too long.
And once that happened, we were able to help her envision what she wanted her future to look like. She was able to identify things she wanted to work on with the school for her kids AND things she had never wanted to take care of but always questioned herself about. She was able to figure out how to be the mom she wanted to be and to do it in a way that felt good. Gone were the days when she felt overwhelmed & frozen.
So, as you send the kids back to school this year, I encourage you to check-in with yourself. How are YOU doing? Are you noticing any patterns that you’re ready to release? If so, I encourage you to give yourself permission to take those next steps. School is back in session, mama, and now there’s time for you.
You’ve got this, mama. And as always, I’ve got you.
Looking to learn more about EMDR and how it can transform your healing? Click here.
(PS - You can also sign up to be first in line for our EMDR Intensive openings, launching in September.)
コメント