A Therapist’s Quick Survival Guide for the Holidays (And Saying No)

If you’re reading this in late December, I’m guessing you’re somewhere between, “I love this time of year,” and, “I might actually lose my mind.” The kids are home from school, there’s holiday parties and family gatherings, maybe some New Year’s plans. What used to feel like a fun season has turned into one long stretch of to-dos, expectations, and logistics.

Over the last couple of months, we’ve talked a lot about the holidays. About how family dynamics can stir things up, and how easy it is for women to slide straight into holiday burnout without even noticing. 

But now?  Now the prep time is over and it’s time to discuss how to make it through the next two or three weeks.  Now you’re in the thick of winter holidays and New Year’s, everyone is home, everything is happening at once, and you just need to know how to get through it.

Consider this my letter of encouragement to you. A reminder that you’re not alone and you can still enjoy this season.  

To get started, you need to think of your bare minimum plan: what you actually need to function, to feel even a little bit human, and to make it to the other side of this season without sacrificing your sanity in the process. 

We’re talking quick wins, simple shifts, and the smallest things that can make these next few weeks gentler on yourself.

First, Decide Your Bare-Minimum Plan to Feel Human During the Holidays

When things get busy, it’s really tempting to reach for big, sweeping changes. We start telling ourselves things like…

“I’ll start getting up early.”

“I’ll go to bed by 9.”

“I’ll hit the gym a few times a week to battle the bulge.”

Basically, we get really ambitious this time of year, and we lie to ourselves. When you’re already overwhelmed, that kind of all-or-nothing thinking usually turns into just one more thing to feel guilty about. So, for the next two or three weeks, I don’t want you to think about an ideal routine. I want you to think about your bare minimum to survive. The smallest things that help you feel even a little bit more human.

Ask yourself:

• What do I actually need to be okay-ish most days?

• What are 1–2 small things that make a noticeable difference for me?

For some women, that looks like moving your body once a day: a ten-minute walk, stretching before bed, or dancing in the kitchen while dinner cooks. For others, it’s drinking a couple of glasses of water so you’re not running purely on caffeine. (Though we do like our Starbucks around here!) It might be protecting a certain time of night by not scheduling things after 8 pm. Or it might mean limiting yourself to only one or two events each week instead of automatically saying yes to every invite. Whatever it is for you, strip it down to the tiniest version you could actually keep up with on your hardest day. That’s your bare minimum.

Not because you don’t deserve more, but because in this season, small and sustainable beats big and impossible every time.

Then, write it down somewhere you’ll see it, like a sticky note or in the Notes app on your phone. Treat it the way you treat everyone else’s needs. You make sure the kids get where they need to go. You show up for your people. For the next few weeks, make sure you to show up for yourself, even if it’s in quiet, simple ways.

Next, Set Boundaries Quickly and Often

One of the fastest ways to holiday burnout is agreeing to things that you don’t really want to. You say yes because you don’t want to disappoint anyone, or because it feels easier in the moment than explaining why you can’t. Then the day arrives, and you’re tired, resentful, and wondering why you did this to yourself again. 

Before you answer another text, email, or group chat about plans, pause and ask yourself:

• How much do I actually have to give this week?

• Does this sound fun or like an obligation?

• How many nights does that mean I’ll be out this week?

• Are there days or evenings I want to protect as “off limits” so I can rest?

You don’t have to tell anyone these boundaries. You just need to know them for yourself, so that when an invitation comes, you can make a simple answer.

If saying no feels hard, you can borrow a simple script like this:

“Thank you so much for thinking of us. Unfortunately, we won’t be able to join you. I hope you have a wonderful time!”

That’s a complete explanation. You don’t have to follow it with a list of reasons you’re saying no or an apology.

If someone pushes back, and someone probably will at some point, that doesn’t mean your boundary is wrong. It just means it’s new, and the other person is adjusting. This is where the “broken record” technique can help. All you have to do is keep repeating the same sentence to hold your boundary, even if they keep changing their question or pushing you to change your mind.  Here are some examples of ones you can use: 

“I really appreciate the invitation, and we’re not able to join this year.”“I hear you, and we’re not able to come this year.”“I know it’s disappointing that we’re not able to join this year.”

Remember, saying no isn’t being rude. (Even if it means saying no to family.) By limiting the number of outings and obligations you have, you’re giving yourself time to relax and recharge. And you deserve that!

And As An “In Case of Emergency”...Have a Grounding Plan for When Everything Feels Like Too Much

Even with a bare-minimum plan and better boundaries, there will be moments in the next few weeks that feel like too much. The day the kids melt down before a party. The family comments that land like a punch in the gut. The travel delays. The last-minute “we forgot to tell you this is due tomorrow” email.

You know they’re coming, but those moments don’t mean you’re failing. 

They mean you’re human, and your nervous system is having a big reaction. The question isn’t, “How do I avoid those moments completely?” (You can’t.) The question is, “What helps me bounce back?”

For some, that starts with something as simple as breathing. Take five deep belly breaths. Hand on your belly, breathe in through your nose, let your lungs actually fill, and then exhale. You can do this in the bathroom, in your car, or standing at the sink. You don’t have to announce it to anyone. They probably won't even notice!

Movement can help, too. Not an intense workout, but something simple like a short walk over your lunch break to release some of the tension in your body. Walking around the block once. Stretching your neck and shoulders. Shaking out your arms and hands. Put on a song and move your body to it in whatever way feels right. You’re not trying to get fit here, you’re trying to let your nervous system know it can relax.

Grabbing a pen and paper can be grounding. You don’t have to journal beautifully, like they do on TikTok. You can scribble, make a messy list of everything in your brain, or play tick tack toe with yourself. The point isn’t to create something worth keeping. The point is to give all of that mental static somewhere to go. 

And when you’re really spinning, a simple sensory check-in can pull you back into check. In the therapy world, we love the classic 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 Technique. 

When life is overwhelming, take a moment and notice:

5 things you can see

4 things you can touch

3 things you hear

2 things you smell, and

1 thing you can taste

This helps remind your body, “I’m here, and I am okay enough.”

None of these things will magically fix the holidays. Let’s face it, the holidays are stressful. But they can stop the hardest moments from becoming too much. They give you a way to pause, even for thirty seconds, and choose your next step from a slightly steadier place.

You Don’t Have to Do This Part Perfectly

If you’re a high-capacity, “get it done” kind of woman, there might be a part of you already saying, “Okay, so I’ll make a perfect bare-minimum plan, and perfect boundaries, and use grounding skills perfectly…”

Don’t!

The point of all of this is not to give you a new to-do list to fail at. It’s to make these next two or three weeks even a tiny bit kinder to yourself. If all you do is drink some water, say no to one thing you didn’t actually want to do, and take a few slow breaths in the bathroom when you feel like you might cry - that counts as a win. That is you caring for yourself in the middle of a season that constantly asks you to forget that you’re a person with needs, too.

You don’t have to earn rest. You don’t have to prove you’re struggling “enough” to deserve gentleness. You already do.

This holiday season, remember - You’ve got this. And as always, I’ve got you.

---

Looking for more information on how to add self-care to avoid holiday burnout? You can find helpful strategies in my Self Care For Women Workbook here.