A Therapist’s Take on New Year’s Goals (Without the Pressure)
- Renee Eddy
- 2 hours ago
- 6 min read
Every January, the internet starts shouting, “New year, new you!” Everywhere you look, someone is announcing a big goal, like working out five times a week, cutting out sugar, reading fifty books, or overhauling their entire life by February.
I just read a poll from Forbes where 61.7% of people surveyed said they felt pressured to set a New Year’s resolution. What’s worse is that many of those people plan to commit to multiple goals, with 66.5% saying they plan on making three or more resolutions that year.
THREE. TO. FOUR!!
Where are we getting time for all these new commitments? It feels like there’s a lot of pressure to reset, especially when you’re still tired from the holidays and just trying to feel like yourself again.
January may feel like the time to set big goals, because everyone else is, but the odds are not in your favor, Katniss Everdeen. Most resolutions fail by February. Not for lack of trying, but because we get overzealous this time of year. We make all-in, big life changes without giving ourselves grace. We set goals that our capacity can’t cash in this season.
Instead of mapping out another mile-long list of New Year’s resolutions this year, I want to help you turn down the noise. Let’s get honest about what you actually want from your life this year, and see how we can support gentler, more realistic goals that are truly yours.
Step One - Ask What You Actually Want From This Year
Once you step back from everyone else’s resolutions, you’re left with a much quieter and more honest question: What do I actually want from my life this year? Not what would look impressive. Not what other people think you should be doing by now. What would make your day-to-day life feel a little more like something you want to be living?
Sometimes the answer is big and specific, like finally getting help with something that’s been bothering you for years, so you don’t have to keep dragging it into every new season. But a lot of the time, it’s smaller and softer than that. Maybe you want more “potato days,” where you let yourself rest without “earning” it. Maybe you want to feel a little less frantic, a little more present with your kids, a little more like a person and not just a crisis manager.
Your New Year’s Goals Are Allowed To Be Small (AKA, Realistic)
Just because your neighbor wants to read 52 books this year doesn’t mean you have to pretend that’s your dream, too. You’re allowed to say, “This year, I want to read one book I actually enjoy,” and let that be enough.
One of my own favorite past goals was simply reading for 10 minutes a day. Not a specific number of books, not a perfectly curated list. Just finding a few minutes to read, even if I knew I’d be interrupted, because reading genuinely fills me up. I only got through 3-4 pages per sitting, but who cares? The resolution police were gone by February, and I was still slowly reading more consistently in tiny chunks - guilt free.
That’s the filter I encourage you to use this year. Does this move me toward a life that feels more enjoyable? If the answer is no, it doesn’t need to be your goal, no matter how many people are posting about it online.
You Don’t Have to Make a Year-Long Commitment
Another place people get stuck with goals is in the “all or nothing” mindset. In other words, if you can’t do it perfectly for the whole year, why even try? Or worse, if you don’t achieve that goal you set then it means you must be a failure as a human.
I see this a lot in EMDR therapy. January comes around, people reach out, they’re excited and nervous. They come in for a few sessions and start making small realizations that could lead toward big breakthroughs…and then life happens. By February, their schedule gets messy, they miss a week or two, and suddenly they’ve decided it “didn’t work” or they “aren’t consistent enough” to work on their goals.
The truth is, your brain and body don’t work on a 12-month clock. They respond to what you do today. If you only have the capacity for one or two sessions right now, that’s still movement. (Funny enough, this is actually the exact reason why therapy intensives exist and why therapists have been more open to flexible scheduling in recent years. We know the pressure of going all in, every week, is not viable for most people.)
Something is always more than nothing, even if it doesn’t look like the tidy commitment you imagined.
The Same Goes For Daily Practices
If you only have one minute a day, start there. Take that minute — even if you’re literally sitting on the potty — to put your phone down, feel your feet on the floor, and notice your breath going in and out. One minute of quiet focused breathing, where you can hear your own thoughts and be 100% yourself, is still one minute your nervous system didn’t spend in survival mode.
Instead of asking, “Can I do this perfectly all year?” reframe your thoughts. Ask yourself, “Is this something I can do today?” If the answer is yes, that’s enough to begin. You don’t have to earn change by promising your entire year up front.
What to Say When People Ask About Your New Year’s Resolutions
Now let's talk battle plans, because we live in the real world. Inevitably, someone cheerful is going to come along and ask what your goals are this year.
And with that one small question, your brain might go into panic mode. Maybe you go blank or your mind starts filling with guilt and comparison that your New Year’s resolution isn’t big enough.
When that happens, remember - this is your life. You’re allowed to do what you want. More than likely, the person asking is just making small talk. They’re not judging you. Most of them don’t even really care what your goal is. They just genuinely want to know what’s new with you. You don’t owe anyone a PowerPoint presentation on your self-improvement plan. Your goals get to be yours — small, private, and gentle if you want them to be.
If you do want to share your New Year’s goal, keep it simple:
I’m keeping it short & sweet this year — more rest and self-care.
I’m focusing on feeling a little more like myself again.
I think I’m going to start with one small thing that feels good and see where that goes. I’m going to ___________.
If the resolution shame monster has ahold of you and you don’t want to share at all, that’s okay too.
Hit them with one of these:
I’m still figuring that out, but I’m not doing big resolutions.
I don’t know yet.
We’ll cross that bridge later. I’m still un-decorating from the holidays right now.
And if someone starts treating your life like their project — trying to get you to do a resolution with them or insisting you have to do something crazy like give up coffee, or sugar, or whatever small joy you have left — you have my full permission as a therapist, at least in your head, to tell them to go pound sand. We’re not sacrificing every small joy in the name of self-improvement this year.
Your Goals Get to Be Yours (And They Get to Be Small)
That’s the true secret of sticking to your New Year’s resolutions, and any goal you ever set. As you think about this year, your goals don’t have to be dramatic to count. They get to match your real life, not the version the internet is yelling at you about. Maybe that means one extra glass of water a day. Ten minutes with a book you actually enjoy. More “potato days” where you rest without apologizing. Maybe your goal is to apologize less! Or finally deciding you’re not going to carry one heavy thing by yourself anymore.
You don’t have to overhaul your life to accomplish a goal. You’re allowed to build a life that feels good instead of inspirational. If all you do is choose one small thing that’s truly for you and take one step toward it, that is enough.
Remember, you’ve got this. And as always, I’ve got you.
Looking for more information on how to get noticeable impact from therapy without committing to weekly sessions? Learn more about EMDR half-day and one-day intensives, which provide months' worth of therapy support in a single session.